"The Repairer of the Breach" (Who? Me?!)

I have always believed that we grow wiser as we age. But lately I'm beginning to wonder. Why do I constantly find myself being schooled by my own words from 6-8 years ago? (Thanks, Facebook memories!) Perhaps I was going through a particularly enlightened time back then? Or maybe, just maybe I have allowed myself to slip backwards. It's worth investigating. What's different about me now?

First and foremost: the time I spend in the Word. No excuses. I need to repent and turn this around. How can I neglect my "God time" and expect to stay on course? Don't get me wrong. I'm not falling into sin... at least not in the traditional view of sin, the kind that's easy to spot and point a finger at. I'm just not on the course that I know God has set for me. It's as if I climbed in my car and started wandering around in circles instead of following my GPS to my destination, complaining all the while about the bad driving conditions.

Speaking of destination... as Christians, we don't always know the destination, do we? We aren't always sure where God is leading us, although sometimes we think we do. We wake up every morning and receive the Lord's manna for the day and put one foot in front of the other, knowing that He's in control. And years later, we wake up to realize that He was guiding every step because we were abiding in Him and simply trusting Him.

Over and over in scripture, we are told that God's plans aren't like our plans. His are much bigger and more wonderful than we can fathom. We are way too short-sighted!! And besides, do we REALLY want what we think we want? Do we really want our vision to be the end-all and be-all? The Jews wanted the Messiah to be a political leader and overthrow the Romans. But Jesus told them, in the parables of the seeds and the weeds, that they weren't really ready for their enemies to be destroyed, and should wait for God to separate the weeds from the wheat, no matter how long it takes.

I REALLY don't want God to separate the wheat from the weeds yet, do I? What if I'm one of the weeds because my soil wasn't properly prepared, and I haven't been abiding? Do I really want him to destroy my enemies?

What if I'm my own worst enemy?

Lord, lately, my self-talk has not been very encouraging, and I haven't been trusting that YOU know the destination better than I do... You are the one who has the vision, and I haven't been trusting You. I've been content to live in fear and apprehension instead of remembering that entering your Kingdom isn't cheap. There are things I must give up in order to live there.

What must I give up in order to walk in YOUR vision for me, Lord? Well, for starters... fear and apprehension! I must stop doubting my own capabilities, because doing so means that I'm TRUSTING in my own capabilities rather than trusting You.

Lord, help me to abide in You so that my vision aligns with Yours.